It's so extremely hard to comprehend the whole of a relationship when it comes to end, especially when you don't see it coming. We're left examining all the memorable times, picking apart fights and mundane days, wondering:
when did it turned for the worst?
which straw broke the camels back?
what didn't we even notice or realize it?
We get stuck in this realm of brokenness because there are no answers to fill the massive voids.
I think we break so hard and fast because of all the open-ended questions and doors slammed closed. It's all of the 'what if’s' and 'could have beens' actually breaking our hearts. It's the crushing of dreams and the breaking of promises.
When your sites are set and your mind is made up; the realization that all you've dreamt has dissolved in an instant - that's what breaks us open the most.
We can idealize our past, but what we're actually feeling is sad that those good times are never going to get a chance to be recreated. That date night routine and holidays together with your family will never happen again. And that’s extremely sad - imagining a future with out them.
I encourage you to mourn your future together.
Grieve for the wedding that never happened because someone couldn’t 'forever hold their peace'. Cry for the vacation you can’t get refunded and the pictures you won’t be taking on the mountain top. Sit with your sadness and acknowledge that you may never feel closure. Mourn for everything you imaged. And then imagine something new - with just you.
There is this devastating feeling of loss when the time you’ve given someone, the emotional investment you’ve shared - doesn’t work out, but whether you can see it now or not, there is also so much that you’ve gained.
I don’t think I’ve quite figured it out yet myself, bc I still look to others to comfort me when I’m sad and validate my feelings and opinions, but there’s something about being able to support yourself - emotionally, mentally, physically, financially, that breathes a different kind satisfaction; different than what you’ll ever receive from someone else.
It's been said a million and one times, but you are all you need - right now and always. Everything and everyone else is just very delicious icing on the cake you’re going have and eat too.
So I encourage you to say yes to you.
Say yes to things you’ve compromised on.
Say yes to the dreams you’ve stifled to fit the mold.
Say yes to girls trips and anything else that you’ve said ‘maybe next time’ to.
Just say yes, whenever your instinct is screaming at you to retreat.
Take what you want - whether its time alone or an entire pizza for yourself.
Say yes to crying.
Say yes to thriving.
It looks different on all of us, but just start saying yes to yourself.
Your future will thank you.